Wednesday, April 12, 2006

I needn't have worried

April 2006

It took me all day yesterday to find the courage to look at my email.
Only one day after I 'did the right thing' with Maggie, I kept telling myself that I should not expect her to contact me again so soon.
To tell oneself these things though is one thing. To control the disappointment when you are proven right is another. As it was I felt quite strong yesterday, quite happy too, and so I was able to concentrate on other things. Still I knew that if I looked at my inbox and there was nothing from her, I would be disappointed. I didn't know how much, but in the worse case, it might have spoilt my day.
Trying to rationalize the situation I kept reminding myself that in the past she always has made contact again, no matter what has happened between us. But you can't always use past performance to predict the future (as they say). And one day, I know, she is going to stop.

It was 11.30pm when I finally signed into my Yahoo account, and as I waited the few seconds it took for my new mail to appear, I could feel the slightly heavier beating of my heart.

And then............there it was..........I really needn't have worried.


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