Incredible achievement

December 2002

So lo paw, meant wife. It was rather amusing to think of the number of times I'd written to her, or text her, starting the message; 'my lovely lo paw'.

Maggie was laughing; 'you never guessed that, did you honey?'
'No, babe, better not say it anymore.'
'No, you never can stop, you need my approval first'

And then I was reminded of her question that last night in Hong Kong. I knew I shouldn't mention it, but suddenly something inside me just wanted to know, 'did you mean it when you asked me if I wanted to get married?'

'Of course'
'Then I'm sorry' I said, 'I thought you were only joking'

The conversation stalled for a minute or two, as we both collected our thoughts. I knew I oughtn't to allow this to go any further, it could only cause pain, but at the same time I didn't want it to stop.

And when she broke the silence with; 'honey, do you want to marry me?'
I simply replied, 'yes'

My feelings of remorse were immediate. What was I doing? I couldn't marry her. It was impossible. All I was doing was making the inevitable ending of our relationship all the more painful for her. For the first time since we met, I actually started thinking about the consequences of my actions.

And yet, at the same time, I couldn't help from myself smiling. In little more than the five weeks, I'd been able to make a lovely young woman fall in love with me so completely, that she'd now made a proposal of marriage.

I'd gotten everything right; the meeting, the courtship, the intimacy and the love making. At that moment it all seemed such an incredible achievement.