What are we going to do?

December 2002

'Honey, you didn't use a condom'
'I assumed you were on the pill'
'No, of course I'm not. Honey, what if I get pregnant?'

Suddenly, a little bit of the reality of this whole situation, became apparent. Here I was, 6000 miles from home, taking stupid risks with a woman with whom I could have no future. And although Maggie wasn't entirely sure, it seemed likely that we might have just had sex during the most fertile part of her cycle. I asked myself; could I really have been so unlucky?

It seemed quite possible.

I didn't know what to say. There was no way I could support her, if she was pregnant. And equally, no way that I could just run away; she already knew too much about me.

And then, a little part of me liked the idea. A child would mean that Maggie and I would have a permanent bond.

'Shall we just wait and see?' she asked.
'Then what if you are?'
'I don't mind having a baby, if I know you will be with me'
'I will be with you' I lied
'Or we can get rid of it; you know I will accept your decision'

I didn't like that. Although I have never been anti-abortion, I knew I could never agree to abort a child that I knew was mine.

It seemed an impossible situation. I wanted to give the appearance of the kind, supportive partner, but I was not in a position to adopt such a role, I could only offer empty promises.

'It's just that we've hardly had the chance to get to know one another yet. I just think we need time together, before we think about children. I want to devote myself to you for a while' I said

'Yes, you're right' said Maggie, 'so what are we going to do?'