To hear her say

February 2003

Now what? That was the question.

How could I go on seeing Maggie? Maybe now was the right time to put an end to it. I knew it had to end at some point, better for both of us that the end should be sooner rather than later. Ok I would be unhappy for a while, but time passes so quickly, a week perhaps two and it would all be behind me. I’d had my fun, now it was time to get back to normal.

It made sense, I knew that. But………. it wasn’t what I wanted. I wasn’t ready to end the relationship, I wanted more.

Then I started to worry, what if Maggie was getting fed up with me. I though that, at times, she didn’t always seem to be so happy. Why was that? I’d upset her a few times, and I’d behaved like an idiot when things hadn’t gone my way.

I wanted her to tell me that she loved me without question. I wanted to know that I had not dented her opinion of me. And I wanted to scare her a little, to hear her say ‘honey, I don’t want to lose you’

I wrote:

‘Babe, I understand that you are tired, perhaps I keep you awake too late, always talking into the night. I think in future I will always try to call earlier. Shall we say that if I cannot call before 11pm then I will not call on that day. I have a meeting tomorrow afternoon, and don’t know what time it will finish’

Her reply:

‘Honey, you know that I always want to hear you voice, but if you have the meeting then I understand, no pressure, you can call me earlier, or send me the message so that I don’t worry’

That wasn’t what I wanted at all.