Thursday, May 31, 2007

Why would these calls upset me?

February 2003

From outside the shopping mall I called Maggie, feeling a little nervous. I wasn’t very happy with my ‘story’, but I knew that I could not avoid the topic again. At the time that I’d first mentioned the ‘problem’, I thought I would be able to come up with something convincing. Now though, even though I’d had several days to prepare, as I stood here in the wind, pacing up and down, it seemed like I might have made a mistake.

It took less than two minutes; ‘honey, what do you want to tell me about your ex? I didn’t know you would still be speaking with her’

‘I don’t’ I said, ‘but she called me the other day, when I got back from Hong Kong, and then again a couple of days later’
‘What did she want?’
‘She said she really missed me, and asked if there was any chance that we get back together’
‘Did you tell her about me?’
‘Of course, and she started to cry, saying everything was her fault’
‘And then what?’
‘Well then she called again, maybe two days later, saying that she still wanted to get back with me, despite my relationship with you’
‘Did you tell her we will be married?’
‘No, I didn’t. She was already upset enough’
‘Honey, you have to tell her, then she will know there is no hope’

Then after a few moments she added ‘promise me honey’. And I did.

Fortunately she didn’t ask me what I thought was the obvious question. The question I would have really struggled to answer; ‘why did these calls upset you?

I didn’t have an answer. What could I possibly say to that? This was where I’d really failed to think things through. I’d been unhappy, I’d wanted revenge, to scare her, to make her say ‘honey, I don’t want to lose you’. My favourite words.

And the question remained, perhaps for another day; why would these calls upset me?


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