No mood today, at all

January 2003

The hours passed slowly, and I didn't receive any further emails from Maggie. I knew she didn't always get chance to look at email in the office, especially when her boss was in town, and at 6pm she would probably have gone home.

Perhaps she would call me when she got home, that would be around 10.30am. Every time I returned to my desk I asked the secretary 'any calls?'. There were plenty, but none that I wanted to answer.

I wanted to call. The day was wasting away. I had so many things to do; it was financial year end I was in charge and deadlines were looming. And all I could think about was; what was Maggie thinking? How would she react?

Angela called, 'we need to finish the accounts' she said, 'we have a lot to do, to get the reports issued and I have auditors asking questions every few minutes, what's going on?' I gave her promises; tonight, tomorrow morning, everything was 'in hand'.

It wouldn't take long, once I applied my mind. But at the moment, that wasn't possible. I knew, I was being ridiculous. Why did I imagine she might end the relationship? And why was I worried about it? It had to end sooner or later, of that there was no doubt.

I went out for lunch, and walked around the dismall town, so grey, so cold, so full of people as always, people who knew nothing of Maggie. I bought a sandwich, but threw most of it away, it was like biting through cardboard. I had to call her.

Lucia stepped into my office and started to talk to me. I wanted to ask her, 'do you still want me?'. Maybe she could help me to forget about Maggie. But I just said, 'can I come and see you later?'

At 3pm I called her.

'Hi'
'Hi honey'
'How are you, I've been worried? Did you get my email?'
'No I didn't. No mood today, at all. Honey, I want to ask you'