Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Walk away

January 2003

By the time I arrived at the office my impatience was boiling over. If she'd called at that moment, and just told me to get lost, it would have been a relief, at least the wait, the uncertainty, would be at an end.

But why was I feeling uncertain? After all, surely her voicemails should have made me feel secure.

I sat down, logged on, and went straight to my email. There were two from Maggie. The first said:

'Honey, if you think it is better to delay my trip to UK then I will accept, so let me know what you want to do.

But tell me honey, do you have some reason why I cannot meet you in UK. Whatever it is we can discuss, you know I am reasonable person'

The second said:

'Honey, so heart breaking that you say you don't want to see me as we planned. Never before have I been upset in this way. Do you know my heart is broken?'

They didn't make me any happier. My agitation grew, I opened other email but I couldn't read them, colleagues knocked on my door but I was unable to listen. Now I had even more reasons to worry; had her perception of me changed? Was I no longer the loving guy she'd always taken me for? If so, how would this change our relationship? Did we still have a relationship?

I replied to her note:

'Babe, I just thought it better to postpone your visit here, as I would really like to introduce to my Mother. I was so angry when she told me she would be away when you planned your visit.
I hope you know, I never want to break your heart, I never want to hurt you. If you say I have broken your heart again, then maybe it is best if I just walk away'

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