Cards

February 2003

After dinner, everyone went their separate ways. I thought we would probably take Maggie’s mother home, but that wasn’t to be. It seemed that we were going dancing with Maggie’s sister and Errol, the boyfriend.

Disappointingly, the disco was practically empty. I liked discos to be packed with people, so that my poor dancing is less obvious.

We ordered drinks. I paid, since Errol had picked up the tab for dinner.

With just the four of us on the dance floor, I couldn’t hide. Self consciously I pretended to be particularly interested in the guitarist, frequently stopping to look at him. Actually he was really good’ ‘I play like that’ I whispered in Maggie’s ear. Fortunately Errol hid his poor dancing by acting up, taking the spotlight from me.

I wasn’t sorry when, Maggie’s sister, using tiredness as her excuse, suggested we leave.
It was after 2am when we climbed into bed. I could see that Maggie was really tired. I held her, hoping she would start to kiss me, but she didn’t, instead drifting off to sleep in my arms.

I asked, ‘are you tired babe?’
‘Hmmm, so tired’ she barely whispered.

I knew I should let her sleep. I didn’t feel any desire for sex, but I wanted her desire. I started to fidget, pretending to be too hot or uncomfortable. It wasn’t enough. I moved her away from me, ‘too hot honey?’ she said without opening her eyes.

‘I can’t sleep’

No response. I pushed the covers off, and felt the chill air on my body. She looked at me, ‘is something wrong, honey?’
‘No babe, go to sleep’

She did as I suggested. I was out of ideas. I lay for a few minutes, feeling angry. That was it I decided, this was definitely my last trip, I told myself without conviction. I couldn’t just wake her, although I wanted to. It had to come from her, but how?

Then I remembered the Valentines Day cards.