Friday, June 30, 2006


January 2003

As expected, Maggie was already showered and in bed, when I got back to the hotel. I quickly joined her.

She was watching a movie, so rather than disturb her, I just held her, gently kissing her neck and shoulders. 'Lets make love' she said

'Actually, I want to talk to you, first. Wait until the film is finished'

So we waited, and then, some 30 minutes later I asked:

'So what do you want for your birthday? It was the following day.

I knew what she wanted already, and I'd decided before I left the UK that I would buy it for her. So the question was just a bit of play.

'What do you want to buy me?' she asked.
'Well, I have an idea, but I don’t want to say yet, I'd rather you told me what you want first'
'Honey, I want to hear you idea'
'I asked first'
'Yeah, and I asked second'

We reached stalemate.

'Ok' I said. 'You write down your idea, and I write down mine. Then we compare. Hopefully, we will make the same choice'

So I passed her a sheet of hotel note paper, and took a sheet for myself, which I tore into two pieces. On the first piece I wrote a joke present, on the second, the real present. I slipped the second piece of paper under the pillow.

'Are you ready?'
'Ok, honey'
'Right then' I said, 'on a count of three, we put our ideas here' I pointed to the centre of the bed.
I picked up her suggestion, and she picked up mine.

'Honey' she was laughing, 'I can't ride a bike'
'But it will be useful for getting to work'
I looked at her note, 'and there aren't any castles in Hong Kong' I added.

'You know what babe' I smiled, 'I have another note under the pillow'
'You know what honey' she smiled back, 'so do I'

Waiting for me

January 2003

Dinner with Henry proved to much more enjoyable than I'd expected. The food was very good, and the beer and wine free flowing, so that I drank far more than I should have done.

We were joined by a very colourful colleague, whom I had not met before. He was the Asia Pacific Business Development Director. A large man, who smoked too much, drank too much, swore too much, and if he was to be believed fucked many women. Anyway, he had a number of very interesting stories to tell.

He asked me after a while' 'Shall we go and find a couple of women? I need to fuck someone tonight'

Later he made the observation, 'I think you will be very popular with the local girls'

He and Henry talked about trips they made to Thailand. Men only trips that some of the senior staff took from time to time. 'We have a rule' said Henry, 'we never discuss our trips when we are in the office. What happens when we are away, stays away'

As my new acquaintance got up to leave, he asked 'come on my friend, let me and Henry take you to the Neptune club, the women are very beautiful, we will pay for everything, you will have a very good time'

I declined, of course. Although, had it not been for Maggie, waiting for me in the hotel; my decision may have been rather different. I was a little drunk, and extremely curious.

The large man left in pursuit of pleasure.

And I climbed in a taxi and headed back to The City Garden hotel, where I knew Maggie would be in bed waiting for me.

Thursday, June 29, 2006

Sleeping in

January 2003

In the morning, I went into the office for a meeting with Henry and Nicky, who had traveled down from the Shanghai office. We were due to discuss the year end accounts; my justification for the business trip.

I knew Henry liked to be away early on a Saturday, so the meeting would be a short one. Nicky was traveling back to Shanghai the following day. So by midday, I was ready to return to the hotel. Just as I was leaving, Henry invited me out to dinner that evening. I felt obliged to accept, since I had refused him a few times on my last visit. I wasn't happy though, as that was now an evening I couldn't spend with Maggie.

I got back to the hotel around 12.30, and was surprised to find Maggie still asleep. She stirred as I entered the room, and I asked if she wanted some lunch. 'Later' she said.

There was nothing else for it, so I undressed and climbed into bed, and wrapping my arms around her I held her as she slept. I wondered, if she always spent her weekends sleeping in.

It was another hour or more before she started to wake up, and as she did so, we started to kiss, and then make love. Afterwards I held her as she drifted in and out of sleep. I was amazed at the amount of sleep she needed.

It was after 3pm when we climbed into a taxi and headed towards Wan Chai to get some lunch. 'You know honey, it's cheaper at this time' Maggie informed me, 'it's what the restaurants call the embarrassing time'

Back in Hong Kong

January 2003

Maggie was still at work when I landed, so we arranged to meet at the Central Station; I hadn't used the Hong Kong metro before, but it was simple and very quick. She was there when I arrived.

She was dressed in jeans and a long black coat, which I mistook to be leather. We hugged and kissed for a long while, before joining the taxi queue.

We made small talk as the taxi crawled towards the hotel. This was Hong Kong's rush hour. We were staying in the City Garden Hotel again. We had six nights together this time.

She asked after my leg, and I showed her the support stockings I had to wear.

At the hotel, I took a quick shower and then we went out to eat. It was a warm night, so we chose to eat in the hotel garden, where they were serving a buffet. The food was good, but my appetite poor.

After that we walked through North Point toward Victoria Park. We walked arm in arm, stopping to kiss along the way. 'I am so happy to see you again' I said.

We returned to the hotel early, showered and climbed into bed. Within seconds I was kissing her neck, shoulders and breast. They were as beautiful as I remembered.

Moving up, to kiss her mouth, I could see the excitement in her eyes. Removing her underwear, I slid my finger between her legs. I knew by now that I would soon feel her come.

And as soon as she did, I moved my head down so that I could use my tongue to pleasure her. 'Oh, honey' she said 'you make me come again'


December 2002

The start of the January sales, found me along with thousands of others, going nowhere, at the back of a lengthy queue, waiting to pay for a large selection of new clothing. Since, my suitcase had been stolen, some two weeks earlier, I'd more or less been living in the one pair of jeans.

The girl in front of me, kept looking behind, we made eye contact several times and eventually she smiled at me. 'We have a long wait' I said.

She was Asian, Indian rather than Chinese, very pretty, slim, with beautiful shaped breasts. She was well spoken and obviously very intelligent.

She was a corporate lawyer, working for a large partnership nearby. We talked for the next 90 minutes about our careers, lifestyle, health and fitness and travel. Most of the time we avoided the subject that single people usually discuss; dating and relationships.

It wasn't until we were near the front of the queue that she told me that she was single, having recently ended a relationship with a guy who lived in New York. 'Long distance relationships are impossible' she said 'We only managed to see each other twice a year'

'Couldn't you move to the US?' I asked.
'I don't think it would have worked'
'Oh, why is that? I was quite curious
'Well, for a start we never spent more than two weeks in each others company before.' She paused for a few moments. 'And if I'd given up my career here, and then not been able to
re-establish myself over there, I think I would ultimately have resented him for it. One of us needed to make a sacrifice.'

Good shaped nose

December 2002

On Boxing Day, I called her a little later, having again made the excuse of needing to exercise my leg.

'Did you get the email, honey?'

Of course, I hadn't checked.

'I will let you read it' she said, and we spent the next hour or so talking about other things.

Early the following morning I read her note:


I meant everything I said yesterday. You are definitely the one for me. I can't wait for our happy life to begin. I have no doubt. Just tell me when that day will be.

You know what honey? I am not one of those lower class girls who just choose a man for his money. They marry early to escape their bad home life. But as you say, I have a happy home, so I can marry for the love. And I have a good job, I make my own money. So I am not one of those girls. So don't worry honey, I am a decent girl from a good family. You are lucky that you find me, and not one of those other girls.

Honey, the Chinese fortune teller always tell me, I have a good shaped nose. My nose will bring my future husband good luck about the money. If he has a job, he will be promoted. If he has a business, he will get more clients. So if you marry me honey, you will be successful. I know that is very important to a man. So you see, I can help your career too.

Honey, I love you, and I will always be by your side. But honey, I will be patient, I will wait for you.'

Wednesday, June 28, 2006


December 2002

'Of course you can honey'
'Well, I've been thinking about this a lot lately. You have always lived at home with your mother, just dating, so obviously you have never wanted to commit to somebody before. You seem to have a happy life at home with your mother and dogs. Are you sure you are ready to give all that up? Are you sure you really want to settle down with someone?'

I stopped for a second to collect my thoughts, but I wasn't given another opportunity to speak.

'Not someone honey, I want to be with you. I never settle down before because I never meet someone I really love. I think this is life, right? It can take half of the life to find the right person.

When I met you, I have the feeling already. I never have that before. So you see, this is the fate, you know what I mean? In Hong Kong, we say that if two people have the fate, they must always be together, no matter what. I believe that. I believe we have the fate. Even though you are the westerner and I am Asian, we still meet, right? And even though I don't see you for long time, my feeling to you always stay the same.

So this is true love. You are always in my mind. So we must have the fate.

I am not young anymore, I know my mind. I know that we will be together forever. I know that we will be happy, because we have true love, because we have fate.

Honey, I will always be by your side, and I need you to be with me always too. Do you promise me honey? Can you promise that?'

It was a good Christmas Day.

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Christmas spirit

December 2002

It was Christmas day, the first day that I didn't have to attend the hospital. Mainly I think, because the nurses didn't want to disturb their own family celebrations.

Around midday, I made an excuse, to go out for a walk, so that I could call Maggie. My bad leg, proved to be rather convenient, in this regard.

After wishing her a happy Christmas, she asked if I would like to say hello to her niece, who was spending the evening at her house.

'Hi' I said.
'Hello, how are you? Are you going to marry my aunt?'
I suddenly felt a little bit awkward, 'I don't know'

I heard voices in the background, and then, 'oh honey, no face, no face, you say you don't know, now I have no face. Oh try again honey, try again please'

Although she was trying to be lighthearted, I sensed a little disappointment in her voice. So I spoke to the niece again.

We went on to talk about Christmas. I lied, telling her that I was at my mother's house, where I would celebrate, with my brothers and sisters. In truth I was at home.

Then I told her a little about how Christmas is celebrated in the UK, talking about Christmas day and Boxing day, about the food and the gifts. 'Honey, next year, you must let me buy the gifts for your family, I always know how to do this, I know how to save your money, this is my

I just said 'ok'

The earlier exchange involving Maggie's niece, had made me feel quite mischievous, and I'd been conscious for a while that I knew very little about Maggie's past, so changing the subject, I made a request:

'Do you mind if I ask you something?'

Friday, June 23, 2006

Big issue

December 2002

Another email, the following day:

'Honey, you always tell me that age is not too important in our relationship, I think you remember, right? Now seems like you changed your mind.

Everyone who now me can never guess my age, they all think I am less than thirty. Remember, you think so too, when we first meet. I did not tell you the lies. As I told you, Hong Kong girls never like to admit their age.

So tell me honey, is my age a big issue for us?'

I replied straight away, 'no it is not an issue to me, I was just thinking that we made the wrong decision before'

Despite knowing that I'd behaved pretty badly the day before, I chose not to acknowledge it, by giving any kind of apology. Instead I sought to justify it by claiming to have been upset myself.

Over the months that followed, I would find out just how important age was to Maggie. I simply didn't appreciate at the time how sensitive a subject It could be. And it was several weeks later, when purely by accident, I discovered her true age.

Although that evening, we discussed the point further, it was with considerably less emotion. Generally Maggie would always seek to avoid any confrontation, and so she said 'honey, I understand your point of view, but as we said, we can have a baby when we are more settled, it's not difficult for us, right?'

And since, I was not sufficiently confident of my strength within this relationship yet, I chose to let the matter drop by joking 'you are old enough to be my mother'

We returned to normal. 'Honey, I love you' she said.

Always wanting more

December 2002

'Of course I did honey'
'So why didn't you tell me how old you are before?'
'Honey, I told you already, all the girls in Hong Kong never admit their age. And as you said before, age was not important to you'
'It isn't important, except that, had I known your real age, I wouldn't have asked you to take that pill the other day' I lied.

'But honey, it doesn't matter right? We can have the baby anytime. It's no big deal, right?
'Well I feel very unhappy about it now'
'Ok honey, we will have a baby when you come next week, how about that?' She giggled nervously.
'Look, I have to go, I have a meeting now' Another lie.
'Ok honey, I love you'

No sooner had I put down the phone, than I already regretted the whole conversation, immediately wanting to call her straight back. This was our lowest point to date, we had never come close to arguing before, and now I had a horrible sensation in the pit of my stomach.

I began to wonder if I'd pushed things to far. No doubt she would be thinking about what I'd said. Maybe she would decide that I was not the man she'd thought me to be. The truth was, I didn't know how she would react, indeed I hardly knew her at all.

At the time, I don't think I could have explained what it was I was looking for. When Maggie expressed her love for me, in words or writing; told me that she had never loved someone like this before, or said that she couldn't live without me; the feeling it gave me was like a drug coursing through my veins. And like any addict, I was always wanting more.

Case closed

December 2002

So I called her as usual. In truth, I wanted to call her; the day would seem empty now, if we didn't talk.

I asked how she was, was the headache gone, did she feel tired. She said she was much better, having taken a painkiller and then went on to talk about the Titanic movie, which she'd just finished watching. 'So sad' she said.

I was immediately annoyed. I'd expected her to pick on our conversation of the night before, and her subsequent email. The content and apologetic tone of the note had made me feel pretty good about myself, and I was looking for more of the same. So when she ignored the subject, as she did, I was disappointed and began to feel some degree of anger.

My responses became monosyllabic, and after a while she said 'honey, are you still unhappy? I think I explained everything now. Don't be so narrow minded. Case closed, ok?'

What could I say? She was right. But her suggestion that I might be 'narrow minded' just angered me more, and I didn't want the subject to be closed, at least, not yet. I wanted her to seek my forgiveness, so that I could generously bestow it.

So I said 'nothings wrong'

There was silence for a while. It was another opportunity for her to pick up the tenor of the email, which would have pacified me in an instance. But she didn't. Instead she said 'honey, if we keep talking about this, I will feel uncomfortable'

There was nothing more I could say on the point. I was beaten. And consequently my bad temper grew worse. I wanted to upset her, to exert my power against her, and the only thing I could think of was:

'Did you tell me the truth about your age the other day?'

Thursday, June 22, 2006

A hint of unhappiness

December 2002

Although we said our goodbyes happily enough, our earlier exchange meant that neither of us felt entirely comfortable.

'Honey, I love you'
'I love you too' I replied, but in a tone of voice that was meant to imply that all was not as it should be.
'Bye honey'

It was the first time we'd ended a conversation with any hint of unhappiness between us.

The next day, I received a lengthy email.

'Honey, I didn't sleep well last night, I have a little bit headache today... Honey, please don't worry what sister says, she is just trying to look after me only. Remember, she always treats me like another daughter. It is logical that she ask these questions. She just want to make sure I don't get hurt by someone.

But honey, you know, I make my own decision, and I decide to be with you already. Honey, I know you are good, sincere and honest guy, I have no doubt. I just told you what they say only. I told them, you are a good guy and my mother said so too. Honey, I totally trust you. You are the one for me.

Honey, I don't want to lose you'

There were several paragraphs more than this of a similar vain. She'd gone to a lot of effort, as she didn't find it easy to write in English.

It was early in the morning, so she would still be at work, so I sent a quick reply:

'Babe, I hope headache is gone. Why not sleep early tonight, and catch up your sleep. I will call you tomorrow.'

She replied 'No honey, I think I need to hear your voice'

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

That question.

December 2002

The following day, I called later, to give her time to get back from her family dinner.

'How was your dinner?'
'Good. Mother was happy to have all her family together.'

Maggie had three brothers and a sister. Two of the brothers were married; the third lived at home with Maggie and her mother. Maggie's sister lived in Montreal with her three children, and was planning to marry the following year.

'I told them' she said. 'They were all surprised that I finally find the right person to marry. From their experience, I have never been so serious with a guy before'
'They were pleased though?'
'Oh yeah, but then they ask; are you serious or just playing the game with me.'
'Why does everyone keep asking that?' I tried to sound indignant. It worked; she became defensive.
'Don't be angry, honey. They are trying to protect me only.'

She went on to tell me that her mother had offered her support, telling the rest of the family that she had met me, and that she thought I was a good guy.

At that point, she said the conversation changed to when and where we would marry, and where we were going to live. They asked her 'are you going to leave Hong Kong?' She told them that I would be moving there.

Then she asked, 'any news when you will move to Hong Kong?'
'Will you know soon? So I will have something to tell them.'
'Maybe after Christmas'
'Ok honey, I don't want to push you on this point, I am just anxious to prove to them that we are serious'

'Honey' she said, 'don't be angry, they are my family, they want to make sure I don't get heart broken'
'Ok, I'm just really fed up with that question'

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Don't worry

December 2002

It was now just a few days before Christmas. I was still visiting the hospital on a daily basis. One of the nurses, although not young, was rather sexy; always wearing low cut tops that revealed an abundant cleavage, tightly packed into a black bra. I began timing my visits to match her shift.

She complimented me on my athletic body, saying I had a lovely flat stomach. She always bent over me in such a way that, I got a long look at her ample breasts. I imagined myself touching them.

I thought about her hand sliding up my leg, touching me, exciting me, and us making love in that small hospital room, her screaming as Maggie had done.

Maggie and I kept to our routine, speaking for at least an hour every day. It was on the Saturday before Christmas, I called her after going to the hospital, she had been waiting for my call, and said 'honey, you are serious about us getting married aren't you?'

I immediately knew I should take this opportunity. I could say something like, 'maybe we should take some time to think about this' or 'perhaps we shouldn't rush into anything'. Say 'no' without saying 'no'.

But instead I said, 'of course..... Why do you ask?'
'Oh nothing' she said, 'its just, my sister arrived from Montreal today, and tomorrow the whole family will have a dinner, so I want to tell them my news'
'Its just that after I tell them, I will lose face, if you changed your mind'
'Don't worry' I said.

She continued' 'you know honey, for our tradition, I will lose much face, if I tell my family, and then we don't get married'
'Don't worry'
'And honey, we never can be divorcing, no-one in our family is ever divorcing, can you promise me honey?'
'Yes' I replied, 'don't worry'

Monday, June 19, 2006

You can never tell anyone

December 2002

It was just two days after I submitted my travel request that I received confirmation of approval. It seemed so easy. I hadn't mentioned the blood clot and so, no questions were asked. In less than two weeks time, I would be going back to Hong Kong.

My flight would be landing on Friday 3rd January, and stay until 9th. On this occasion I would not be going to Shanghai. This meant that I could spend the day with Maggie, on her birthday Sunday 5th January. We would have six nights together.

I sent her an email that evening saying; 'you are cordially invited to a day out on your birthday to include lunch and finding you a birthday present, followed by dinner in a restaurant of your choice'

Her reply; 'I am so happy to accept, does this mean you will be in Hong Kong? Oh, so happy, that I can spend my birthday with you. The days menu will be; starter - buy a gift for your loved one (honey, I already decide what it will be), main course - dinner in Ritz-Carlton hotel, desert - making love'

'I like desert best' I said.

And then I asked, 'how old will you be, this birthday'

I had asked this on several occasions before. Always she had asked me to guess, and I'd be generous in my reply. Once she wrote to me, asking 'how important do you think is two lovers age?' This time however, she did give me an answer, adding, 'but honey, you know everyone says I look much younger, and remember, this is our secret, you can never tell anyone'

Friday, June 16, 2006

Oh, how she loved me

June 2006

Its been a long time now since I last went out on a date, about five months to be exact. I haven't had a date since I left London at the end of January.

There are perhaps two problems.

The first is a lack of opportunity. I hope when I say this, that I am not just making an excuse for myself. My life at the moment does not present me with many chances to meet people. I am no longer working away from home, so I don't go out much in the evening.

The second difficulty, it seems to me, is far more fundamental. It is that I really don't know how to either identify or create an opportunity. I am not bad looking, and yet recently I seem unable to attract any female attention.

So when a young lady does speak to me, for whatever reason, I immediately find myself thinking about her for days, even when it was just a chance encounter, that is unlikely to be repeated.

And although I did quite a lot of dating last year in London, with one or two exceptions, it was a disappointing experience. With all of the more attractive ladies, I was tongue tied and awkward.
I daresay my friend David, who emails me incessantly, with his promise to 'double my dating', would have a lot to say about all this.

I can't help but contrast all this with the successes I enjoyed whilst traveling to, and living, in Asia. In both Hong Kong and Shanghai I was never without opportunity.

And of course, how easy it was, that night I met Maggie. How afterwards, everything fell so easily into place. How she made it all happen. And how she loved me..... Oh, how she loved me.

Incredible achievement

December 2002

So lo paw, meant wife. It was rather amusing to think of the number of times I'd written to her, or text her, starting the message; 'my lovely lo paw'.

Maggie was laughing; 'you never guessed that, did you honey?'
'No, babe, better not say it anymore.'
'No, you never can stop, you need my approval first'

And then I was reminded of her question that last night in Hong Kong. I knew I shouldn't mention it, but suddenly something inside me just wanted to know, 'did you mean it when you asked me if I wanted to get married?'

'Of course'
'Then I'm sorry' I said, 'I thought you were only joking'

The conversation stalled for a minute or two, as we both collected our thoughts. I knew I oughtn't to allow this to go any further, it could only cause pain, but at the same time I didn't want it to stop.

And when she broke the silence with; 'honey, do you want to marry me?'
I simply replied, 'yes'

My feelings of remorse were immediate. What was I doing? I couldn't marry her. It was impossible. All I was doing was making the inevitable ending of our relationship all the more painful for her. For the first time since we met, I actually started thinking about the consequences of my actions.

And yet, at the same time, I couldn't help from myself smiling. In little more than the five weeks, I'd been able to make a lovely young woman fall in love with me so completely, that she'd now made a proposal of marriage.

I'd gotten everything right; the meeting, the courtship, the intimacy and the love making. At that moment it all seemed such an incredible achievement.

Thursday, June 15, 2006

It means wife

December 2002

For the next couple of weeks, I had to report to the hospital on a daily basis. The specialist prescribed me Warfarin, but until it took effect, I had to have a blood thinning drug injected into my stomach. I was unable to drive long distance, fortunately though my company had an office near to my home that I could use temporarily. I had several calls from colleagues, trying to find out what was wrong with me.

My thoughts began to turn to planning another trip to Hong Kong. I thought I could use the impending financial year end as my justification. So I started sending emails to Henry on that subject, as before he seemed more than willing to support me. It meant though, that I could not tell my company the truth about my ailment, if they knew what was wrong with me they would not allow me to fly.

Maggie and I reverted back to our long distance relationship. But everything had changed. Now we talked of our love, of how long it would be until we could be together. She wrote to me; 'it has never been my style to stay over night with a guy in the past, but with you, it was love at the first eyesight, so I wanted to make the relationship work'

Several weeks earlier, she'd asked me to call her by her nickname 'lo paw'. On many occasions, I'd asked her what it meant, but she had always refused to tell me. So I asked her again 'what does lo paw actually mean'

She laughed, 'I can't tell you, it is just my nickname' 'But it must mean something. I won't laugh'

For a while she was silent, and then she laughed again, 'ok' she said, 'it means wife'

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Liked the flavour

December 2002

By the time I left the hospital, it was late into the afternoon. When I switched on my phone, there were several voicemails waiting for me. This was quite unusual on a Saturday afternoon, so I sat in the car and listened to them all.

'Honey, where are you? Call me back, let me know you are safe.'
'Honey, so worried about you, please call me'
'Honey, please call, so worried already, never had this feeling before, I need to hear your voice'

The others were similar, so I called her straight away. It was cold in the car, and my jacket was rather thin, but I sat there for the next hour talking to Maggie.

'Hey babe, it's ok. I've seen a doctor, he says I am not in any danger.' I went on to explain that the x-ray showed that I did have a blood clot, and that I would require three to four months of medication. Since the clot was in the lower part of my leg, the doctor said, it was not particularly dangerous.

'Oh honey, I never felt so worried before, so this is true love, never did I worry about someone so much'

Her words made me feel so much better. That knowledge that someone could be so worried, and care so much, about me. It was a real lift. To think that she had been sat at home; frantically trying to call me. That she couldn't concentrate on anything else, until she heard my voice. I loved the feeling that gave me; it was my high, my drug.

Is that where is started?

That unfortunate day, whilst in so much pain and almost unable to walk, I got my first taste of how strong Maggie's love could be. And I must admit I really liked the flavour.

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Confirm my suspicions

December 2002

A few hours later I was explaining the events of the last two days to a doctor at my local hospital, he wasn't sufficiently qualified to confirm my suspicion. So, I was left to return to the waiting room while he tried to find a specialist.

Friday night in a National Health hospital in one of the UK's busiest cities, is an adventure in itself. It was full of drunks; drunks who had fallen, drunks who were fighting, drunks who wanted a bed for the night and drunks who were dying. There was shouting, singing, groaning and swearing, there was vomiting, spitting, farting and bleeding. 'This is quite normal' a nurse told me.

At 1am, I stepped outside and called Maggie. I explained where I was, what had happened and what I thought was wrong with me. I could tell she didn't understand. I said 'I'm just warning you, in case I am stuck in hospital tomorrow and can't call you.' I knew she would expect me to call in the evening.

At 4am, I was sent home. There was no one who could see me; 'you will have to come back on Monday' the doctor said. 'You must be fucking joking. How can I wait 'til Monday?'

I limped back to my car, feeling pretty damn sorry for myself. I still had one more surprise though. My car had been robbed. The suitcase, I'd brought back from Hong Kong was stolen, as were my CD's.

The next day, as the pain got worse, I called my doctor and asked her to refer me to a private hospital for an x-ray and tests. My employer paid medical insurance on my behalf, so I knew that the costs would be covered.

Early Saturday afternoon, I was admitted to the nearest BUPA hospital, where a specialist had been called in to give me a diagnosis.

He did confirm my suspicions.

Monday, June 12, 2006

I immediately knew what it was

December 2002

I did all the wrong things.....

I had a couple of beers with Henry, before collecting my luggage and jumping in another taxi. I tried to make pleasant conversation, but my heart just wasn't in it. Fortunately, since we were part of a small group, my mood was less apparent.

Maggie called again, as the taxi headed towards the airport; another emotional conversation.

On the plane, I drank at least three glasses of red wine before we got airborne, the drinks are always free flowing in upper class, then two or three more with my dinner.

I fell asleep soon after, and didn't wake up again until breakfast.

When I got back to my car, which was surrounded by snow, I called Maggie to let her know that I had landed. I couldn't hold back the tears as we spoke; it was, I believe, my lowest moment. For although, I would shed tears again, in the years that followed; these are the last that were

The next two days were a hectic mix of meetings and long journey's. Leaving the airport, I drove to my flat in London. After freshening up, I went straight to the office, and from the office I drove the 150 mile journey home.

The following morning, I was up early, driving back to the London office, only to return home again that evening, a 300 mile round trip. In two days, I spent more time in the car than I had on the plane. In a 48 hour period, I spent more than 30 hours traveling.

I did all the wrong things.....

So, what happened next was not such a big surprise; I was almost home, when I suddenly felt an incredible pain in my right leg. I immediately knew what it was.

Friday, June 09, 2006

Don't cry

December 2002

I didn't answer her. In part I was more than a little surprised, and I did wonder if it was meant as a joke. She looked serious enough, though.

I excused myself and went to the gents, 'bloody hell' I said out loud, as I closed the cubicle door.

I returned to find that the waiter had delivered our food. 'Would you like to try a bit of fish?' I asked Maggie.

So the question went unanswered, and from my point of view, it was partially forgotten.

We left the restaurant, and walked back to Maggie's house. I didn't go in; we said our goodbyes by the steps leading into her apartment block, just as we'd done the night we first met.

We held each other for as long as possible, but it was never going to be long enough. And then, I had to leave. 'I love you' she said, as I kissed her gently on the forehead.

The taxi headed back to the hotel, where I was meeting Henry for a quick drink. I sat motionless, staring out the window, with an overwhelming sense of sadness. I passed the usual hordes, as the taxi went back through Central; none of them had to leave here tonight.

My phone rang. 'Honey...... I miss you'
For a while I couldn't answer, then 'I miss you too'
'Come back soon' Her voice was full of sorrow.

And with that I burst into an uncontrollable fit of sobbing. I couldn't speak, my body shook, I let the sorrow consumed me, I couldn't do otherwise. 'Oh honey don't cry, honey I love you, don't cry'


December 2002

I left work at lunchtime. My flight wasn't until nearly midnight, so Maggie and I had some time together before I had to leave.

Finding her in bed, I immediately started kissing her, and then got undressed. We made love several times that afternoon, dozing or talking in between. As before, she climaxed many times.

That afternoon, both of us lying naked on the bed, was perhaps the first time I had really looked at her body. She certainly was very slim, but without being skinny. Her breasts were small, firm and gorgeously shaped. And although not pretty, it seemed to me, at that moment, that she was the most beautiful woman in the world.

It all so surreal, there I was, in a luxury hotel, 6000 miles from home, lying naked with a truly beautiful woman. And how did I suddenly become such a good lover?

And yet the whole afternoon was tinged with sadness. In just a few hours, I would be boarding a flight back to London, with no certainty that I would ever be back.

We lay there as long as we could, but time was against us, and having not eaten all day, we were both hungry. So with great reluctance, we got dressed and left the hotel.

Maggie chose an Italian restaurant near to Hong Kong's famous escalator, so that I could walk her home, when we'd finished.

The restaurant was fairly empty. Maggie just ordered a starter, saying she didn't want much, I ordered salmon. For a while we sat there not speaking, neither of us having any mood for small talk.

Eventually though, she broke the silence asking 'honey.......... do you want to get married?'

Thursday, June 08, 2006

The morning after

December 2002

The next thing I knew, I was just waking up the following morning. Amazingly, despite the seriousness of the conversation the night before, I'd fallen asleep. Maggie woke up with me, even though she had taken the day off, so that, as she said 'I can spend as much time with you as possible'.

'Honey, did we reach a conclusion?'
I didn't answer straight away. Then 'Look, I really think we need to wait until we are more settled, before we could think about having a baby, don't you agree?'
'Honey, I accept what you say, what do you want me to do?'
'Have you ever heard of the morning after pill? Can you get them in Hong Kong?'

So we agreed that she would call her doctor at 9am, and then call me. I said I would go with her to the clinic.

At 10am, having not heard from Maggie, I called her mobile. 'What happened?' I asked.
'I just arrived at the clinic'
I feigned anger, 'why didn't you call me? I was worried'
'Honey, I didn't want to disturb your work'
'What's the name of the clinic? I'm coming over'

Half an hour later, I walked into the waiting room. I felt quite a man, as I wandered across to sit next to Maggie.

I took her back to the hotel. As I held her in my arms, I heard her cry for the first time. 'Hey babe, what is it? Did you want a baby?'

'No, its not that.' She said, 'its just you leave tonight, and I miss you already. When will you be back to Hong Kong? ................You don't know, right?'

All I could do was hold her.

Wednesday, June 07, 2006

What are we going to do?

December 2002

'Honey, you didn't use a condom'
'I assumed you were on the pill'
'No, of course I'm not. Honey, what if I get pregnant?'

Suddenly, a little bit of the reality of this whole situation, became apparent. Here I was, 6000 miles from home, taking stupid risks with a woman with whom I could have no future. And although Maggie wasn't entirely sure, it seemed likely that we might have just had sex during the most fertile part of her cycle. I asked myself; could I really have been so unlucky?

It seemed quite possible.

I didn't know what to say. There was no way I could support her, if she was pregnant. And equally, no way that I could just run away; she already knew too much about me.

And then, a little part of me liked the idea. A child would mean that Maggie and I would have a permanent bond.

'Shall we just wait and see?' she asked.
'Then what if you are?'
'I don't mind having a baby, if I know you will be with me'
'I will be with you' I lied
'Or we can get rid of it; you know I will accept your decision'

I didn't like that. Although I have never been anti-abortion, I knew I could never agree to abort a child that I knew was mine.

It seemed an impossible situation. I wanted to give the appearance of the kind, supportive partner, but I was not in a position to adopt such a role, I could only offer empty promises.

'It's just that we've hardly had the chance to get to know one another yet. I just think we need time together, before we think about children. I want to devote myself to you for a while' I said

'Yes, you're right' said Maggie, 'so what are we going to do?'

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Inside me?

December 2002

Tuesday was our last night together.

I caught a taxi from work to Maggie's house where I had been invited to have dinner. Her mother was a good cook, serving us the most delicious dumplings.

Although I wasn't shown around, I could see that Maggie's house was small, and it housed three adults and two dogs. But Maggie considered it to be quite a luxury accommodation. She would often mention that by Hong Kong standards, her house was quite large.

We caught a taxi back to the hotel around 8pm, her mother asked when I would be coming back to Hong Kong, I was forced to say that I didn't know.

This time, as we became intimate, I felt myself stiffen a little. Although I wasn't sure if it was really enough, I climbed between her legs, and gently eased myself inside her. 'Oh yeah honey' she cried, 'fuck me, fuck me'. For a moment, in my surprise, I stopped; never before had a woman spoken to me with such desire. She cried out again, 'no don't stop, honey'

She felt very tight around me, making me worry that I might hurt her, so I kept my movement deliberately slow and didn't push myself too deeply inside. After she came the first time, I relaxed a little, lengthening my movements, 'oh yes, honey' she cried, as she came for a second time.

I was happy now; I'd managed to prove to myself that I could be a good lover. 'Come with me this time, honey' she said.

Tensing every muscle, closing my eyes and concentrating as hard as I could, I continued to make long, slow movements, and then finally, I began to feel my pleasure rise, and then as she came again, I felt my own climax as I released my hot milk inside her.

'Oh, honey' she said, as I held her in my arms, 'I come so many times'

For a while after, we lay on the bed, drifting toward sleep. Then suddenly, she jumped up; 'oh honey, did you come inside me?'

Monday, June 05, 2006

I knew I would not be ready

December 2002

We met early that evening in Causeway Bay, she had been home and changed her clothes, I had declined a night out with Henry, on the grounds that I was still suffering jet lag.

We went for hot pot, since she remembered that I'd mentioned having enjoyed it in Shanghai. I felt a bit down, I think she did too, and we struggled to make conversation. This worried me, and I thought, incorrectly as it happens, that it might bother Maggie too.

We walked back to the hotel through Victoria Park. I had to leave Hong Kong in two days time, and that parting was already on our minds. I had no reason to believe that I would ever be able to see her again.

Our mood improved as we climbed into bed, and soon once again my tongue was exploring the most intimate parts of her delicious body. She was able to climax again and again, only stopping to try to return the favor, occasionally saying 'I want you to have pleasure too'.

Again she slept in my arms. She was small and light, so it was easy to support her weight. It felt so good, just to be able to hold her like that. As her sleep deepened, I lay there thinking about all that had happened since we met just over a month before. It was quite a story already. But the story was soon to end, and I knew I would not be ready.

The next morning, Maggie had to get up with me, so I move down under the bedclothes and woke her with my tongue, and then as she still seemed reluctant to move from the bed, I did it a second time.

Skipping breakfast, I walked her to the metro, trying to postpone the inevitable parting for as long as possible. We were both late that morning.

Friday, June 02, 2006

Sooo much

December 2002

Maggie had booked a half days leave for the Monday morning. Although I knew I shouldn't disturb her, I couldn't resist her naked body and the chance to hear again, her now familiar cries of pleasure, as she reached climax to the gentle movement of my tongue. Afterwards I held her as long as I could, without being ridiculously late, then I left her to sleep on, as I walked to the office. It was so difficult to tear myself away from her, we seemed so close already.

Fortunately, I didn't really have too much work to do that day. My trip to Hong Kong, was based more on the pretence of work than on reality. Anyway, no matter what the workload, I was completely unable to concentrate for more than a few minutes at a time.

I answered my email and then sent Maggie a note saying simply 'thanks for such a special weekend'.

I had lunch with Henry and other colleagues in a restaurant a few blocks from the office. My appetite was poor, and my conversation poorer, I was like a love struck teenager.

Around 3pm I received Maggie's reply, it said:

'Honey, I have known you such short time, but already I know you are the one for me, never did I have this feeling before, and I will never have it again. This spoilt woman needed a man like you. I enjoyed our weekend so much, as I spend it with you. Honey, I love you, and I notice how well you take care of me, even make sure I am covered by the blankets as we sleep. See I notice everything. Honey, I love you soooo much'

Back into bed

December 2002

I awoke early in the following morning, with Maggie still in my arms. She stirred as I kissed her, 'I love you' she said. And with that we started again, my tongue tasting the delights of the night before, until I felt her climax again.

Then holding her, we fell asleep again, not waking again until midday.

I wanted to get up, we were due to meet Maggie's mother for lunch and I wanted to see a bit more of Hong Kong, but Maggie just wanted more sleep. 'I love you' she whispered again. 'I love you too' I replied.

So that was our first whole day together; sleeping, waking, making love, and then falling asleep again. 'I want you to have pleasure too' she kept saying. 'Don't worry' I replied, 'I'm very happy'. Finally, we got up around 2.30pm and caught a taxi to meet her mother.

We sat at the back of a huge restaurant full of large round tables. Despite the lateness of the hour, the restaurant was still full. I was witnessing the Hong Kong tradition of Sunday lunch.

Her mother did not speak English. She smiled, but eyed me with a degree of suspicion. With Maggie translating she asked 'are you just having fun?'

Maggie answered for me, telling her mother that we were in love, and that my intentions were serious. After that, the conversation was fairly easy going, her mother laughed at me, saying I looked like Beckham.

After lunch we walked around the shops for a while, and then caught a taxi to Maggie's house, so that I could meet their two dogs. I had to pretend to like them.

It was early evening when we returned to the hotel, we showered quickly and climbed back into bed.

Thursday, June 01, 2006

'It's late' I said

December 2002

With just the tip of my tongue I explored her pleasure, and in minutes I felt her body writhe as she reached climax. 'Hold me honey' she called.

As I moved up, and took her in my arms, she said 'oh my god, so wonderful, did you know I come twice already?' I didn't, but I was so delighted to hear it.

I held her and kissed her. 'I need a rest' she said. Within a few minutes though, we started touching again. This time, I let my small finger replace my tongue, so that I could kiss her mouth, neck and breasts. 'Oh, honey' she called out as she climaxed again.

I didn't want to stop. I felt such power, like suddenly I was the best lover in the world. Gliding my tongue down her slim body, it found its place again...........

'Oh, honey, I am so satisfied' she said. 'But I mustn't be so selfish, it's your turn now'

She set to work with great eagerness, but what she offered in enthusiasm she lacked in sensitivity. Her touch was far too rough, her grip too tight, even with her mouth she couldn't give pleasure. It was as if she had never done this before, her efforts were childlike.....

'It's late' I said. I pulled her close, and as I held her in my arms once more, we both fell asleep.